5 Tips for Building Intimacy with Your Partner
Reader Note: The following is a post from my “Blogs from an Accidental Heretic” Series I wrote throughout 2023. These blogs were previously written as part of an editorial strategy for my company Naked Revival. Most were never published as the company moved in different direction. I’ve decided to share them here as I feel they encapsulate my reflections (and reactions) to a moment in our shared history that is now commonly referred to as the culture wars. My intention was to offer a balanced perspective on a variety of topics and current events – many of which I still see us working through both collectively and as individuals.
Intimacy is a pillar of a great relationship. Trust, collaboration (or co creation), communication and pleasure (or enjoyment) would be the other legs of that stool. The misconception of intimacy is that it’s directly tied to sex. Yes, cultivating intimacy does help with great sex but its real purpose is deep connection which also energizes the other pillars of a relationship.
After fifteen years with my wife, I’ve had a lot of time to see what builds intimacy and what doesn’t (spoiler: doing nothing at all is the biggest culprit for lack of intimacy). So without further adieu, here are my top five tips for building intimacy with your partner.
1. Touch Your Partner Often.
Mix it up with gentle caresses down the back or arm and playful tickles (some people don’t like being tickled so gauge the moment accordingly). You can do this in a obvious way, or just as you're passing by. Don’t forget the occasional ass grab or bear hug as well. The varying types of touch create different energetic reactions for your partner. As you do this throughout the day it lets your partner know you see them, cherish them and desire them. Touch also feels good and releases endorphins. In fact to be touched is one of the most basic human needs and each time we touch our partners it builds a connective bond between us, one that is often broken while our attention is diverted to work or family matters throughout the day. Flirtatious and sensual touch can also increase positive sexual tension in a blissful and prolonged foreplay.
2. Look Them in the Eyes.
A penetrating gaze can be awkward or intimate. It’s awkward from someone you don’t know but with your partner it’s a powerful connector. Nothing says “I see you” like a good hard look in the eye. Play with your stare, see if you can convey what you’re thinking and feeling with nothing more than eye contact. Try using eye contact (and touch for that matter) to gift your partner with good energy, positive vibes and yes, some red hot desire.
3. Lay Naked Together.
Don’t fuck. Just touch. And I’m not talking about the good ol’ virgin bump and grind. I’m talking about rubbing your feet against each other, gentle caresses throughout the whole body, breathing on the back of the neck. Allow the pulsation of energy from your genitals to surge through your body and visualise it connecting with theirs (like an electric current). You regulate your central nervous system through this type of touch and yes…you build a ton of intimate connection. If you do end taking it “all the way” just know that sex with ejeculation will ultimately release the specific intimate energy created from this body touching moment. Prolong penetration for as long as possible. From experience a day or two feels incredible.
4. Create an Intimate Space.
The Danish have the great word hygge to describe this. Hygge mostly translates to a mood of coziness and "comfortable conviviality" with feelings of wellness and contentment. Think low lighting with candles and fire light. Not only is this type of lighting in the evening better for sleep, it also builds intimacy and doesn’t have to be saved just for boogie nights. It really should be an every-night kind of vibe. It reduces stress and relaxes us, which makes us less guarded from our busy days and more open to the energy of intimacy.
5. Read to them.
This translates more broadly to “do things together” and no I don’t include watching a t.v. show in the category. Why because while watching a show, you’re both silent and your attention is diverted to a screen and not each other. Watching netflix and chilling in my mind, isn’t a way to get hygge(y) with it. Reading to your partner, hearing your voice, is soothing and connecting. Spicy this up and read something intimate.
